Learning to Drink

The bottles lined up on my room's shelf
mark the endlessness of so many conversations.

Sometimes around friends and laughter.
Sometimes with a hand resting,
promising desire across the table.
Sometimes warmed only by my own breathing.

Why is it that that glass of house wine
consumed me like no other I've ever had?
A cheap glass in a fancy chinese restaurant.

But then the day changed,
the lights all too bright, promising
magic.

Across from you,
ages after my first glass,
you teach me to taste the wine.

Mr. Squiggly and Ms. Stern end their story

On that day he was as neat as hse always wanted him to be.
He folded his socks in straight piles, his shirts
uncharacteristically pressed and starched in protest.

She watched him pack,
leaning gingerly on the bedroom doorframe,
impatiently tapping her perfect nails
against the plaster of the wall.

In the end, he had to admit that he expected something more
than the urgency of a strange yellow cab awaiting him.
In the end, he expected her to
break down a little,
to hav his first and last look at some tenderness
behinde her rigid face.

In the end, all he has was a packed suitcase.

He had nothing but her deep sigh of relief
to see him out the door.

Even as I Sleep

This morning I am drawn
restlessly to slumber endlessly
between the sheets.

To quitely suffer
the coming of the day
with eyes closed,
even to the reality that creeps
like warmth into my bones.

I would like to sleep some more.
oblivious
to the time, to the place, to the call
of the things that I must do.

But even sleep, now,
cannot comfort me.
I am wretched.
I am unloved.
And even in my dreams
she haunts me still.

Only in my dreams
will her arms enfold me.
Only in my dreams
will I feel our palms touch.
Only in my dreams
will I know.

But I am awake now.
Sooner or later my bare feet
must endure the chill of the tiled floor.
Just a little longer.
Not yet.
Not yet.

I find it hard to believe

I was listening to this song on my way to work. Had to play it a couple of times coz it's simply too beautiful... and apt. To me it talks of the pain of too much tenderness and, more importantly, the pain that comes after love ends.

Damn! I have to get out of this rut. It just is so splendidly ironic how life has worked itself out for me. As I grow older it seems so much more terribly... difficult.

Hard To Believe Lyrics
Artist: Eraserheads

I find it hard to believe
That all the pain that we are feeling
Has some meaning in this world

It's so hard to believe
When everything you see is different
From the things that you've been told

I wanted life to be this way
Just a little bit of love could mean so much

Oh please don't take it all away
But with you heaven is still close enough to touch

I find it hard to believe
That someone up there is waiting
With arms open wide and smiling

It's so hard to believe
When someone told me that your suffering
Is what you get for living

I wanted life to be this way
Just a little bit of love could mean so much

Oh please don't take it all away
But with you heaven is still close enough to touch

Because your love is still the only thing
That matters in this world

The only thing I can believe
The only thing I can believe
The only thing I can...
Believe

A Game of Thrones

I've been drawn in into this Fantasy World constructed by George R.R. Martin.

It started with some idle time and some idle friends one idle Sunday morning. We were looking for something to do and finally decided on a new board game. As fate would have it, the boardgame I was looking for (Avalon Hill's Acquire) was not available at the Neutral Grounds store that I went to. That was when AGOT caught my attention and I've been hooked since.

I recently purchased the first two novels and found that it lent a lot to the game board experience. Now I'm planning to buy the game board expansion "A Clash of Kings". I might even consider building myself a Targaryen or Lannister deck.

Oh well. I guess I'll never grow up.

I woke up this morning and...

I just had to write out how I felt...

The world looks so different.

Gone are the wake up calls, the quiet conversations, the excitement that each morning brings, now bereft even of the faintest glimmer of possibility.

She is mine no longer but that is not what bothers me most. I am no longer hers. And like a tired marionette freed from its strings, I fall to the ground. The spirit has left me. I can no longer move. I am alone.

Hello World!

Hello World.

It's been a long time since I last (courageously) posted anything on such a medium with the hope that somewhere along the way, as the proverbial message floats in it's bottle, it will drift into someone who will find relevance in these things I write.

This could not have come at a better time with all that is happening in my life. I am alone... In the 27 years I've been here this is the first time I feel truly alone.